we aint really the same no more. i ono who to blame. but i cant love when im hurt. i haven't forgiven.. so i dun think ill ever forget... and thats juss a huge hole in our trust. and without trust. U GOT SHIT! so yehh.. im out there on my own and im thinkin its best for me. im not tryna have a dude that i gotta be concerned about 24 yehnoe. its juss so hard to let go. but u do wat u have to. he deserves someone else. and im not too sure on wat i deserve. but i know its not here yet. destiny works its way.. and fools u every goddarn time. i aint really felt like this but twice in my life.. 4 years compared to 9 months. and if i can drop 4 like nothin. then 9 must be real easy.

no more games. no more fronts. ive started over building blocks before.. so here i go again. "do watever u wanna do, cuz im thru!" ima smart grl. ill do watever it takes. YOU CANT SAVE SOMTHIN THATS ALREADY FUCKED UP. anyway.. juss thought id share that with XANGA.

im sitten here at Loveina's house.. juss chillen. thinkin cuz yehnoe. its finally over... i didn't expect him to really be okay with it. im surprised he said.. "sometimes i wanna go my own way too" i thought he told me everything that went on his mind.. didn't know it was like that.. after i consistently ask if i bug or when i push him to go do things with his friends. i always did. wat a surprise.. well, surprise surprise. ima go out with VAL and such tonite. do wat i do. its strange. i explained to LOVE. i didn't want him out of my life. i wanted to be able to share my life with him and also do my own thing. but it was impossible. i dont even think twice about another guy. thats my COMPLETE man-made dream rite there.. he's perfect, personality and everything. but. but. our worlds juss dont clash the right way. everything i want.. had, but lost. i dfont know. dont know very much. so ill juss forget or remember and try to enjoy. surprise. surprise.

I'm sooo mad, so mad. I don't even know. FUCK U AJAY! I hope i never see you again. i hate u. AND I DONT CARE IF I PUT U ON BLAST. u deserve this shit. anyway. here it goes. from beginning. u MADE me change my ways. but u cant change for me?! and theres no point in us chillen anymore anyways. NOT EVEN AS FRIENDS. cuz everytime we chill. u wanna watch some stupid NAS documentary shit. and play KILLZONE!. u swear as if we live 5 mins away from eachother. i see u like.. every other day for like 4 hrs only. theres no point to even be going there anymore! cuz all i do is sleep. I SLEEP FOR THE FUCKEN HOURS IM THERE. right after we eat and watch some stupid boring movie. CUZ U DONT EVER WANNA DO ANYTHING FUN ANYMORE. remember the beach? DID U FORGET ABOUT OUR SANCTUARY!? I HOPE I NEVER MISS U! i hate u. u can't keep your fucken word. and everytime i try to talk to u. i feel like im talking to a fucker who doesnt have anything else to say. we dont share interests. u dont like the things i do and i dont like the things u do. YOUR TOO BORING FOR ME. FUCK IT HUH! theres no point in anything between us. the fuck this. and fuck that. PEACE! p.s. your a bad habit. u asshole you